worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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