so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
