Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
