Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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