He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
