It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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