I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
