his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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