dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
