Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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