the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Everything about him screamed your future.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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