How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
