I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your cock deserves a montage
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
