So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
