one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
