remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
