my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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