I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
