I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
