Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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