opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
