i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
