sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
