when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
