i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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