I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
