It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
