sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
