It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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