Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
