that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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