Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
