literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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