her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
