At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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