talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
