i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
