I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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