I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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