I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
