So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
