Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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