WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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