the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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