It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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