his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
