He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
