I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
