dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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