Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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