Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
