Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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