Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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