I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
