Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
