Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
