she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
