I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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