Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
