Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
