Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
