Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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