it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
