dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
