I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
only you would photoshop your dick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
