My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
