I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
