If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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