I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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